Richman: Frustrated parents can be a resource
Richman: Frustrated parents can be a resource
Dear Moms and Dads,
Your children, the latest college graduates, are worried about you and their job search. They know that you mean well, that you have their best interests at heart and that you’re concerned about how they will find their way in the world.
But what many of them may be feeling now is your pressure on them to “do something.” And frankly, a lot of them don’t know what that something is.
Here’s an example:
I woke up a little late this morning. When I went to pour myself some coffee my mother was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for me.
“What have you done about getting a job today?” she said.
“Nothing,” I replied. “I just got up. Besides, no one was hiring in the middle of the night.”
“Smart aleck,” she said, grabbing my cup and slapping a coaster under it. “You know what I meant. What are you going to do today about finding a job?”
I didn’t want to tell her that I don’t know because she’d have a meltdown. Instead, I calmly picked up my cup, slowly walked out of the kitchen, then grabbed my shoes, the car keys and left the house. I’ll be back tonight, she’ll be waiting up for me and it will start all over again.
I’m looking for a job. I’m checking retail stores to see if they’re hiring. They’re not. I’ve checked out some bars. No luck. I’ve even gone to a temp agency and filled out forms, but they’re swamped. Before you know it, the day’s shot and so am I, so I hang out with friends until there’s no place to go but back home. I take one look at my mother and head straight to bed.
I don’t need a lecture. I need to know what else I’m supposed to do. There’s bound to be a better way to get a job than this aimless thing I’m doing.
That’s where you wise parents can really make a difference. Instead of telling these grown adults to “do something” or asking them what they’ve done every day, you’ll help them more if you’re a resource for them.
Try something like this:
“If you’re ready, I can help. We can work together on your ‘elevator speech,’ your résumé and your networking list. I can help you with answers to interview questions, help you find business contacts and help you pay for business attire for your interviews. I can help connect you to job search groups, to career coaches and to community resources.”
You can also share with them what you see as their strengths and what you value most about them. You can remind them how much others value them for what they seem to do so effortlessly and how those abilities can be adapted to paying jobs.
If your best efforts are consistently rejected and young Jack or Jill isn’t making a move toward independence, it may be time to separate encouragement from enabling. After all, coffee costs money. Start charging.
Joyce Richman is a speaker and career coach conducting seminars and workshops throughout the United States, and the author of “Roads, Routes & Ruts: A Guidebook for Career Success.” You can reach her at 288-1799 or JERichman@aol.com. Watch Richman’s latest career advice Wednesdays at 6:35 a.m. during “The Good Morning Show” on WFMY News 2.
